Voltaire Was Right
“God created man in His image, and man has forever been trying to return the favor.”
Truer words were never spoken-- especially regarding one Mark Driscoll. Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something?
Mark really likes a good fight, so I thought it would be an act of Christian charity to slap him around a little. In fact, he begs for it. Let me “smack down” a little
testosterone rage performance sermon he gave last year; you might want to read that first. (WARNING: As with anything to do with this guy, the article and comments contain coarse language and some “mature” content.)
Driscoll focused his three-and-a-half-hour talk on the need for pastors to be more alpha.
Yeah, “Seek ye the first place in line, and all these followers shall be added unto you.” That’s what Jesus said, right? Only a wimp would have said something like “Whoever wants to be the greatest must be the least”.
“The problem with our churches today is that the lead pastor is some sissy boy who wears cardigan sweaters, has The Carpenters dialed in on his iPod, gets his hair cut at a salon instead of a barber shop, hasn’t been to an Ultimate Fighting match, works out on an elliptical machine instead of going to isolated regions of Russia like in Rocky IV in order to harvest lumber with his teeth, and generally swishes around like Jack from Three’s Company whenever Mr. Roper was around.”
What deep theological insight! I’m in awe-- of his sheer ignorance of what The Community of Believers is meant to be. There’s no “the pastor” as CEO of anything, whether it’s a “church”, a ladies’ quilting bee, or a men’s lodge. Maybe the boys’ club Driscoll prefers has a “lead pastor”, but Jesus had something entirely different in mind. Maybe Driscoll has excised that part of the Bible that says Jesus had a seamless garment that the soldiers wouldn’t divide up among themselves. Sounds kinda “high fashion”, eh Mark?
No, this Jesus that Driscoll has invented is in his own image, in his own likeness. He must spend untold hours painting this picture of his ideal man. I wonder if he’s ever read about the Greek myth of Narcissus?
“Jesus and Paul were serious dudes. They had teeth missing. Jesus was a carpenter, Paul was in prison. These guys didn’t eat tofu dogs and bean sprouts. They didn’t play tennis. If there were trucks back in their times, they would have been doing driveway lube jobs on a Saturday afternoon.
In contrast to Driscoll’s imagination,
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him...
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not...
He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth...
O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.
And I loved this ”special pleading“ for King David:
Same thing with King David. Yeah, he might have played a lyre, but he slaughtered thousands of guys.
Oh, so even if you write drippy poetry and play the harp, you’re still a real man if you kill thousands. And how many did Jesus kill?
Now listen to this glowing praise of Driscoll by a fawning admirer:
At last year’s Converging Conference, Driscoll talked about standing up when you piss and I got really excited.
Uh huh. I suppose they practice the manly art of refraining from urination while, um, doing that other thing. Wow. But wait, there’s more!
…[Driscoll] invited five pastors from the audience to take the stage, put his hands behind his back, stuck out his chin, and said, ”Hit me with your best shot. Go on. I won’t hit you back. I want to show everyone what this is all about.“
What this is all about? What WHAT is all about, Mark? What religion is this you’re pushing? Do you think the antidote for wimpy Christians is for men to fight for preeminence and drag women by the hair? Like Islam?
When none of the five took a swing, Driscoll had them escorted from the building and proceeded to hit himself five times.
If I’d have been there, I’d have jumped up and down and shouted, ”Oh! Oh! Pick me! Me me me!!“ I would SO loved to have punched that man in the face! And I would love to have some video of him punching himself. Maybe we can all ask him to do it again for the cameras. You think I’m out of line? Read on.
”This is what being a pastor is about, guys. If you can’t handle it, go back to teaching yoga or playing My Little Pony with the other girls.“
Man, what an ego! What utter contempt for anyone who isn’t exactly like him! And he thinks everybody else is the problem? But what’s worse is that his disease is spreading. Young men want to be like him, further inflating his hyperinflated self-image. As one of his sycophants said, ”This is the only thing that will turn back the tide of the Church’s decline in America. Until more guys step up and start punching themselves in the face, people will continue to leave the Church.“
A church like that needs to not only decline but fall! It’s a church of Satan, of phallus worship, of pride in the flesh, of all that is wrong with the world. And pray tell, Mark, how does any woman ever become Christ-like? And if David can be manly by doing the guns and ammo thing, does that make women like Sarah Palin and Annie Oakley manly men? Oh, I forgot, they can’t pee standing up.
As for the comments following the article, does anyone really think that as long as you have a few doctrinal ducks in a row, you can get away with this anti-Christian tripe? Or does Driscoll get a pass because he punches himself in the face? Is this what Jesus has been reduced to: a brawling, cussing, hog-riding killer?
It’s time to let the Driscolls of the world wallow in their own theological filth and take their poisonous teachings down the sewer with them. I will have no part of this ”church".
There, Mark, is that forceful enough for you? Now go punch yourself some more. And wash your mouth out with soap.