Words of a Fether

Opinions on Faith and Life

A Bad Experience

I have noticed that whenever you disagree with someone, one of the most common assumptions they jump to is that “you had a bad experience”; that there must be some trauma you suffered that makes you crazy enough to disagree with them.

For example, anyone who disagrees with male supremacy is presumed to have been abused or had a bad marriage. Anyone who questions the “churchianity” paradigm is presumed to have had some kind of problem “at church”, or is only whining about not finding the perfect church. Anyone who is politically conservative is presumed to be either uneducated or a “fundy”. Anyone who believes in the Rapture is presumed to be escapist or elitist.

Notice to the presumptuous: it ain’t necessarily so.

In fact, I’d be so bold to say that a lot of disagreements happen just because we’re not all clones or robots. Two people can be equally intelligent, equally educated, equally willing to see the other side, and yet still disagree in the end. It isn’t that one is proud or blind, but that people sometimes (frequently) just disagree. It’s a human thing.

Bad experiences can affect people, some temporarily and some permanently. But one should never presume that a bad experience is at the root of every disagreement. My readers know my stance on a lot of controversial issues, such as women in the church and home, church organization, security of salvation, and so on. But I have a good marriage, never had a big problem in any church, and am not looking for the Rapture out of fear or pride but because I so ache to see my Savior and for the long history of human suffering on earth to end.

So next time you find your self in a disagreement with someone, be alert for this presumption and make sure it isn’t being used as a reason for an argument to be dismissed.

Posted 2009-01-10 under Other, church, Christian Living, women, churchianity, disagreement